Day 1: The Morning of.

There was an anxiousness to the way I slept this morning, a part of me wanted to wake up as a completely new person but the reality of that was me waking up checking the time, 3:15am , 4:51am then realizing it's still Welile. 

The idea of me being so me is weighting heavily on me,i need to alter myself. Get punched??  

Monday: 5:00am

Act One.

Waking Up at 5am does something to you especially when you went to bed at 23:30pm. There is an anger of "Why now, just five more minutes", waking up at five didn't identify with the exterior of my body intervention but rather the mental psyche of being on edge especially when your first class is at 13:30pm. Waking up at five with the idea to go running, something prior Monday the 18th I hadn't done. Running barefoot did I mention, all these little things done to evoke some form of anger and inner hostility. 

Monday: 5:30am

Still not angry.

There was a comfort, a sense of ease to when I got ready in the morning, albeit the night before when i convinced myself not to plan my "unplanned" outfit for tomorrow. Just another healthy reminder that it is still the early stages, some habits may take longer to shake off. 

Three pant changes and one nap later I took off on my everyday journey to Vega. 

For the first time in a long time, it felt like a sense of relief not to be noticed, although dressed was I, in a hoodie, long baggy jeans, a beanie and bandana in Durban heat but it was comfortable, people walked passed and it was nice just to be unnoticed. I learnt honestly just how easy it was to blend in and just be another number within society.

Monday: 09:00am

I arrived at Vega, hot and very uneasy. There was a sense of anxious energy of whether or not I would get the "haha" reaction that in those five or few minutes gratifies your decision: it is accepted (PHEW). To say it is different is an understatement, throughout the day a part of me has drowned under the clothes wanting to help first years out, YouTube some classic pop song. I'm identified as a "gangsta" somehow my mannerisms altered and I'm going as a stereotype.

I've found it hard to truly channel a sense of anger, both fearing for my life and reputation and just not having the conviction to be that guy. Classmates have walked past and were shocked in amazement but after they see the complete get up "Welile returns in apologetic verse, making sure i'm remembered for not being a prick. I feel physically I'm there but emotionally, I'm just an actor looking for his queue.

I WANT TO GOOGLE BRITNEY SPEARS LIKE I DO EVERYDAY.

DOWNLOAD ANY SONG IN MY EVER GROWING POP NOSTALGIA LIST.

I WANT TO DO SOME RANDOM DANCE MOVE.

I MAY HAVE OVER THOUGHT THIS BRIEF.

Tomorrow sees the continuation of the "DO NOT DISTURB, HIGH VOLTAGE" bully, have i yet actually bullied someone: no! There is something about leaving a harmful word imprinted into someone, it hurts, you don't understand it, you feel like shit, yet I have to do it...

I give myself a 4/10 today...