Day 6: Darkest Night.

No matter what I could have chosen as my body intervention, it would be HARD!

FUCK and that is out of character, today was emotionally brutal! Almost had my ass handed to me for real, TWICE!

It's getting too real because I know my strand of bullying lingers more on the annoying side and is it getting to people and to me. Like i wanted to cry, when people avoid you because you unpleasant to be around! No way...

I reached a point where i wanted to just give this all up and just roll with whatever but I see the manic genius that is this assignment, I'm not myself and nor are people around me! I'm learning about myself through jagged dispositions of others glances and i can evaluate and criticise who I am...

I thought I had spent my life thus far doing so but alas....

Big boy shoes on!

Day 6: Clearly bullies have never met my BRU!

No matter who you are, there is a certain allure than surpasses all codes of BROhood to my friend Iron Bru (nickname). A mere glance at him kind of sends me down a teenage girl "Bieber fever" and I know flat out by the customers and fellow colleagues that I am not alone in this.Also there is something so wholesome and there is a certain youth when I see my very old but ever so cute Mrs H or the very frightly Bic (also a nickname)- I can't they too cute.

These gay guy problems are not good for bully street cred!

So i punched him, simple and klaar. On his rib cage couldn't ruin his face, only because he wouldn't have been the only one to punch me back hard. That way right now he is very pissed off at me, which works but I hate because as I have come to realise I am a bit of a people pleaser: A LOT OF A PEOPLE PLEASER.

Quick side note: By no means am I interested in my friend, I do still respect the laws of BROhood but hey got to give credit where it is due.

People are starting to avoid even if they know this is an assignment, its weighing heavier on me everyday, to the point that i have almost constructed a time frame: 06:00am-17:00pm are my bullying hours. It is very lonely, VERY QUIET and disturbing the way the mind works. 

I'm beginning to understand the merits of this assignment though but that can be realised in all its HALLELUJAH, "you passed glory" once this is over. I can't believe it is four days.

I sign off with a quote today...

"You look like a street kid"

Yip, I really do.

Day 5: Promise land awaits

Friday: All Day.

For the first time in a long time i had a day all to myself! Had no obligation to be anywhere. 

I took this in stride to beef up on my jock bully television schedule. Beginning with some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Harry Potter & Mission Impossible. Quite the mix hey?

Okay Real Housewives, its a sad take on what is contemporary culture, watching rich people fuss over dinner parties: Satans medicine i tell you.

Harry Potter no one person can dispell the amazing-ness that is the epic finale. Did you see what i did there! Yeah it is the shit.

Mission Impossible, who doesnt need an action thriller, even if it is 20 minutes.

Today i got a chance to the regroup and just get angrier for days to come. 5 days, halfway and so far so good! Work tomorrow meaning, back to bi-polar state of mind.

Day 4: Ceremonious Applaud

"I don't like you"

"What happened"

 "You look like you have been in the wars"

"You should really do drama" 

I really like the people I work with, after an initial brazen introduction to my 10 day self, they quickly took to using my new rude attitude in their favour.

Take my manager Linda, rather than adopting a rather quizzical stance on my new behaviour, she harnessed it in favour of calling up some suppliers. Taking lemons and making lemonade, she did.

Or Mbali, who professed her undying love for me, wanting to see a sliver of my old self. She constantly wanted to give me a hug but she still merited my favour knowing deep within lies a big ole softy.

Thursday 21/03/13

12:15pm

It's my birthday today. Just as plain and simple as that sentence is, is how i feel. This whole moody attitude would have worked perfectly at home; there is something about not caring about what family says on the one day they supposed to care the most. However being at work and surrounded by the spoils of public holiday madness, meaning the store nest door is mentally destroying me one Rihanna, one Taylor Swift song at a time. Ah here is when I really wish I didn't have to do this assignment, just one day off, can't I?

Keeping the charade up is fun, sans the sleeping at home at 18:00pm because you know we bullies gotta converse our energy.

My first full day as a jock has gone with some form of difference, people seem to believe my "kick boxing" meets "rugby" stories, one lady even saying "that's just what boys do".I even used a bodily trick I have learned to master to make my eye appear swollen, which equals jackpot muhaha, plus a swollen face; yeah I'm in the money.

I love that look friends or even strangers get, that flash of "what happened here"- I think my whole altering of my disposition is working, its getting on people...

It's getting on me, isn't that the point.

Day 3: How to not lose your job.

Today saw the beginning transformation into my jock mantra for the next three days.

Tomorrow the date of my birth looms, i wish i could forget...

Maybe the world outside will!

h

Day 2: Keeping Up Appearances

I'm gaining more & more confidence in doing this brief, maybe its because the silence part, not really socialising is fun however the act of bullying is still a bit too real! 

The moments of acting like a douche have arose plenty of times yet there is a large restriction in becoming that guy and with the threat of work where I'm required to be the Disney channel everyday is partly dawning on me. I may just work in recieving, hiding at the back tomorrow. 

I tried smoking. Didn't end well. 

 Straight guy problems.

Hardest part of my day: Ignoring the class hottie.

Gay guy problems.

Day 2: Keeping Up Appearances

I didn't think it was going to be this hard...

Considering how yesterday was rather uneventful or just confusing I wanted to further commit to my role. I'm blending in better, I don't seem to get the everyday "fag" stares and men seem to be more comfortable as opposed to the threat of the "BIG GAY SIGN ON MY HEAD". 

This morning I added some personal touches that kind of had an affect. Adding a plaster and a bandage has and quote "I thought you where in a drug bust". 

Tuesday: 9:00am

Suppression.

Being mean isn't fun, after calling Devin a queerface: I wanted to crawl inside and die. But I'm beginning to sense that everyone knows its just a role and I am still me after this, which has given an edge of yeah FUCK this.

My willpower was tested when the sole song amongst others I wanted to listen too, was taunted within my ears... FUCK you Suhail. I truly appreciate it though, something about being knowing who I am and also that I'm really trying, REALLY TRYING.

Classmates singing "In The Ayer", 

...dying.